Today is one of THOSE days

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Yep, today is one of those days.  You know what I’m talking about.  One of those days when you have been nice enough for long enough and you just want to throw things and say hateful things to people.

One of those days when you have kept silent for long enough when people say condescending and hurtful things to you.  One of those days you want to say exactly what you mean, exactly what you are thinking, exactly how you feel.

One of those days when you are sick and tired of doing things for people who don’t appreciate what you do and complain about how you do those things for them.

One of those days when I just want to run off to the woods and live in a one room cabin by myself.

So….yea.

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Been A Long Time

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I realize it has been a very long time since I have written a post.  Shit and Stuff got in the way.  I won’t go into the long boring details.  Suffice it to say that I have wanted to write something, just haven’t had the time to do it.

This morning, in the shower, I was thinking about dogs.  If you know me at all you would not find that to be a strange topic for me to think about.

I was thinking about why we, as human beings, get dogs.  Why do we bring them into our homes, into our lives?

I could go pull up all the clinical research and quote a bunch of statistics about how long humans have been living with dogs and how many dogs there are now living in human households.  That is not the direction my thinking went this morning.

My thoughts went to the day to day interactions we have with our dogs.  Why do we bring these hairy, slobbery, messy creatures into our homes and live with them for years and years?

Chelsea

Chelsea

Personally, I just have to look into those big brown eyes and feel the love and devotion eminating from the hairy beasts living with me and I melt.  When Chelsea, who is pretty stand-offish, climbs into bed with me at night for a little secret snuggle time, I snuggle closer to her and sleep a little sounder.  When she comes up to me at precisely the same time twice a day and looks at me with those ears up and barks and makes noises at me, I know it is feeding time for my “Fatty McChow Hound”.

Daisy, Roscoe & Peanut

Daisy, Roscoe & Peanut

When Roscoe becomes a bouncing Betty and dances all over the place, I know it is feeding time.  When Peanut actually shows a little excitement and runs around, I know it’s feeding time.

I guess my answer to the question above (Why do we bring these hairy, slobbery, messy creatures into our homes and live with them for years and years?) is I enjoy their companionship, their love, their characters, and their excentricities.  They really don’t ask very much of me, other than to feed them, on a day to day basis.

We all have so many demands on our time and resources every day from every direction. It’s refreshing and rejuvenating to me to sit down and have someone be satisfied to just be in the same room with me, to accept a pat or belly rub with no expectations.

Some of those boring statistics, that I don’t care to quote, say that we are connected to each other and the world in ways we never imagined before, and yet, I feel completely disconnected from everyone.  The time I really feel connected to people is when I am talking and listening to them in a face to face, old-fashioned way.  And seeing as how I am pretty socially awkward and shy, that is saying alot.

I am able to have that connection with my dogs every day and I would not trade that for the world.

Have you ever examined why you actually have the dogs or cats or pets you have in your life?  Let’s talk about it!  Let me know in the comments what your motivations were for getting your pet.

 

Why I didn’t say goodbye to Daisy

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So, Daisy and I took the long way to Rifle this morning on our way to the vet.  She was watching the horses, cows and sheep along the way.  The scenery was beautiful.  We got to the vet’s office on time.  I dragged her out of the car, because she can’t get in or out without help.  She pooped on the front yard and we went inside.

Once inside, they led us to a room and gave Daisy a blanket to lie down on.  She finally got down on the floor and I sat beside her.  The vet came in, one I have not dealt with before, and asked me if I was sure that I wanted to have Daisy put down.  We discussed what was going on and what options we had tried.  She felt that we had not tried everything yet because I don’t have her on pain meds.  Medically, she didn’t feel it was a good idea.  “She’s your dog. It’s your decision.” is what she said to me.

I explained that I could not watch her suffer, that she would not get any better.  I had another dog that had arthritis and the pain meds didn’t help her all that much.  And there is the diarrhea and neurological damage on top of that.  She didn’t like it, but she sent her techs in to get Daisy set up.

They were trying to get the catheter into her back leg, but it kept getting pushed back out.  After 3 tries on her back leg, they moved to her front leg.  One more try there and I finally said to quit.  Stop.  Don’t do anything else to her.  Just give me the pain meds and let me out of here.

The whole point was for her to go peacefully…minimal stress and no pain.  I am crying like crazy, she is getting poked and prodded and the whole situation was far from peaceful and painless.

So I collected my dog, all the stupid pills they wanted me to have, paid them and loaded Daisy back up in the car.  Less than a minute later she thanked me by pooping in my car.  We drove home, cleaned up the car and cleaned her up.  She is resting peacefully on the couch under her blanket.

Thanks Valley Vet for helping me get through a tough time.  Now what the fuck am I to do?

Saying Goodbye to Daisy

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Today I am making a very difficult decision regarding my Great Dane, Daisy.  She has been suffering from recurring bouts of diarrhea, she has arthritis in her back that has spread to her neck and shoulders and in general, she feels awful.  When she walks, you can hear her hips grinding in the sockets. And the arthritis has caused neurological damage so that she drags one of her back feet because the nerve function has been damaged. Now her front legs are experiencing damage too so she has this skippity-skip to her step that she doesn’t even realize is happening.

I didn’t come to this decision rashly or quickly.  She has been deteriorating over the last 6 months to a year.  She can barely get up off the couch on her own.  Sometimes, she can’t and cries until I come to help her get up.  Over this last weekend, she lay in her bed and pooped because she couldn’t get up to go outside, 3 times.  When she does try to go outside, she can barely make it down the 2 stairs to get to the back yard.  Sometimes when she is in the backyard trying to poop or pee, she falls down because she doesn’t have the strength to hold herself up anymore.

I have watched this incredible being go from starving, to regal and majestic, to weak and frail.  It hurts me to my very soul to watch her struggle to get up or lay down.  It hurts me to my soul when she looks at me with those big droopy brown eyes with sorrow because she pooped on the floor again and has been laying in it because she can’t get herself up.  It hurts me to my soul to clean her legs and bottom up because she can’t.

I realize that there are medications and therapies and treatments I could use for her.  Believe me, I know what options are out there.  The thing is, where is her quality of life?  Sure she can live another year, doped up, sore, and trying to make it through.  But, why?  She is not going to ever get over it or get better, she will only get worse and suffer more.  She is 9 years old…and for a Dane, that’s not bad.  Sure I wish she could be one of those exceptions that makes it to 11 or 12 years old…but not at her expense.

I love her enough to not want her to suffer any longer.  I have come to terms with my decision.

This year has been so much better!!

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThis year has been so much better than last year.  I have been working at High Tails Dog & Cat Outfitters since February and I could not imagine that I would be so satisfied at a job.  I get to work with dogs in the doggie day care, in the grooming area, and I get to offer training services as well.  When I get bored….I get to go play with the dogs.  Does it really ever get any better than this?  I think not!!  I also get to take care of the bookkeeping and the social media campaigns.   So when I am not playing with dogs, bookkeeping or interacting on the social webs…I get to read books and learn more about dogs.

Again, does it get any better than this?!!!!  NOT ON YOUR LIFE!!!!!

I guess I had to go through all that hell last year to figure out where my heaven is.  I had to relax and realize that my true calling is with dogs and not sitting at an office desk with a fancy title and work clothes.  I love coming home exhausted and dirty!

Follow your heart and soul.  Forget about what society has told you is the appropriate thing for you to do.  Do what makes your heart sing.

Sunshine T.

Talk About Embarrassing

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Never wear a slip whose elastic has been worn out!

Never wear a slip where the elastic has dried out!

O.M.G.  The other day I was wearing a skirt with an old slip underneath.  I had been having to mess with it most of the morning, but really didn’t give it a whole lot of thought.

So, I am walking through Target on my lunchbreak when something catches my eye.  I look down and much to my chagrin…my slip was down around my ankles!!  Well, being fairly adept at humiliation and embarrassment, I just stepped out of the slip, picked it up, and stuffed it in my purse.  I just kept on walking like nothing happened.

I have no idea if anyone saw my little mis-hap or not, but I did have to chuckle at myself.

Do things like this ever happen to you?  Tell me your stories!!

End of a Rough Year

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I don’t know about you, but I have had one hell-of-a-year this year.  Multiple jobs, multiple people in and out of my life, and multiple changes for me.

Let’s just do a quick recap.  At the beginning of the year, I was working with my sister and then chose to go to work full-time for one of our clients up in Aspen.  That turned out to be too much commuting and way too much time away from home. After a few months of that, I found a different job working in an office in Basalt.  Turns out the owner of that company is/was a complete crook. I walked out on that job after he kind of/sort of fired me…but wanted me to stay till the end of the week (so he could scam some more people out of their money…and he wanted me to be there to help).  Needless to say, I did not stay and I did not help him.  I walked out of the office that afternoon and never went back.  Even left a high dollar laser printer behind so as not to ever have to step foot in that place again.

I decided that I was going to go back into full time dog training and pet sitting.  Well, unfortunately, that is still not and never has been a way for me to make a good living.  I cannot support myself or my family on the money I make as a trainer.  I love the work and I am still doing that on the side to make some extra money.

I applied for numerous jobs after leaving the Basalt company.  20, 30 resumes and applications were sent out.  Week after week, nothing.  Then finally a few phone calls started coming in.  After many interviews and 2 job offers, I chose to go with the Real Estate office job.  I had to fight for that position though because I was up against another person that had years of real estate experience, but not the same level of computer skills that I had.  I could really see the potential in the industry for growing and learning and for a real career.  The other job offer I had was working in medical billing and paid $5 more an hour, but I couldn’t see myself being challenged or happy in that position.  This last time, I wanted a job that I would love and stay with for years.  The paycheck wasn’t the determining factor – mainly because the 2 previous jobs paid really well but I was completely unhappy there.

Over the summer, while I was looking for another job, I found myself falling back into old destructive habits again.  Drinking a lot more than normal.  Actually dated a guy, if you could call it that – not sure I really want to get into the details on that one.   The point is, that I went right back to the old self-destructive way of living when times got hard.  My son was very disappointed with me and that really, really hurts.

I dropped by motorcycle at the end of the summer and broke my arm – not so bad that I went to the doctor or hospital, but bad enough that it ended my riding for the summer and fall and significantly interfered with my ice skating and skiing activities.

My Ex-husband remarried in November – that was a little harder to take than I thought it would be.  However, after a little bit of time, I am feeling much freer than I could have imagined.

Really, for every bad thing that happened, there has been a good thing to counter it.  After all the bad jobs, I do have a good one now.  I have a lot to learn in this new industry, but I feel like it is right for me.

Looking for a new job can really make you question your abilities. With all the knock downs of my skill levels and qualifications, I have learned humility and to accept criticism better – although it still hurts like hell and I don’t like being told that I don’t measure up sometimes.  One thing I have always prided myself on is that I do a good job.

I would have to say the lesson for the year has been that I am not all that good at everything and there is always room for improvement.  It really has been a very humbling experience this year.

How has your year been?  What lessons have you learned?

There is always hope.

There is always hope.