Monthly Archives: November 2011

Non-Dysfunctional Thanksgiving! Yay!

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What a nice Thanksgiving this year.  I took Cool Mona’s advice and took the dysfunction out of the holiday.  No drama.  No guilt.  Just family, food, and friendship.

My daughter invited her boyfriend to come to dinner with us and asked if we could eat a little earlier in the day so that they would be able to eat at his family’s later in the evening.  No problem.  That was easy.  And we got to enjoy their company.  They got to relax and be able to not have to rush from one place to another.

My ex-husband drove in from Texas to spend Thanksgiving with the kids.  Thank God that we have figured out how to have a stress free relationship now so we are able to enjoy the holiday’s more now.

I did not step near any of the Black Friday sales – definitely no stress there!!I decided to not go down that path this year.  I am going to shop at the local small businesses this year and buy family gift certificates for services they can actually use.  Or I am baking goodie baskets for them.

Christmas is going to be pretty slim this year.  Just like thousands of other families this year.  I don’t think that is such a bad thing.  When you can’t fall prey to all the commercials and ads you are able to relax and remember what Christmas is really all about.

Well, I hope that everyone had a really nice Thanksgiving.  Even though it has been a pretty rough year, I still had a lot to be thankful for.

Forgiveness

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So, if you read my blog at all you know that I have been having a pretty tough year with some issues with my Mother.

The latest saga is that she contacted me by email last week to tell me to stop being mad and that she loves and misses me.

I really didn’t know how to respond to her.  We went back and forth a little on the email, but never came to any resolution.  Basically, I told her that she started this whole mess and needed to take some ownership in the whole train wreck.  She never responded anymore after I said that.

I am at a loss.  I don’t know what to do.  Do I let her back into my life for however long she decides she wants to be in it?  It has happened so many times before that she decides she wants to be in my life and then she tires of me and decides that she doesn’t want to be in my life – but somehow manages to make me feel like it is all my fault that something has gone wrong.

I have been told that forgiveness is for the person giving it.  That forgiveness doesn’t mean that you approve or condone what has been done.  That in order to ask forgiveness, you have to give forgiveness.

In all my life, this has been one of the biggest concepts that I have struggled with.  And it’s not that I don’t forgive the little things.  In fact, I have probably forgiven some pretty big things in my life that others would never be able to.  But this is big to me.  This tears me up inside.  This eats at my very core.

I have internalized this rejection from my mother for most of my life.  I always figured that it had something to do with who I am and what I had done.  But as I grow older and wiser, I have started to figure out that it really isn’t me that she rejects, it’s something else entirely going on inside that head of hers.

She decided that I was growing tired of spending time with her.  So her solution to what she decided I was feeling was to distance herself from me.  Now she has decided that she misses me and that I should not be mad anymore for her decision to distance herself from me.

That is craziness!  The whole statement above is craziness!  No wonder I am so freaking confused.

My question is, do I allow the craziness back into my life?  Do I say, “Well ok Mother, all is fine now.”  Or do I try to bring rules and limits to the craziness?  How do you not get hurt again and again and again with all the chaos?

Buy American For Christmas!!

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I got this email from my sister today and I thought it was such a wonderful idea, I wanted to share it in a more effective way than through email.  So here you go:

We all know what Christmas is really about but I love the sentiment.
Christmas 2011 — Birth of a New Tradition
As the holidays approach, the giant Asian factories are kicking into high gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced goods — merchandise that has been produced at the expense of American labor. This year will be different. This year Americans will give the gift of genuine concern for other Americans. There is no longer an excuse that, at gift giving time, nothing can be found that is produced by American hands. Yes there is!
It’s time to think outside the box, people. Who says a gift needs to fit in a shirt box, wrapped in Chinese produced wrapping paper?

Everyone — yes EVERYONE gets their hair cut. How about gift certificates from your local American hair salon or barber?
Gym membership? It’s appropriate for all ages who are thinking about some health improvement.
Who wouldn’t appreciate getting their car detailed? Small, American owned detail shops and car washes would love to sell you a gift certificate or a book of gift certificates.
Are you one of those extravagant givers who think nothing of plonking down the Benjamines on a Chinese made flat-screen? Perhaps that grateful gift receiver would like his driveway sealed, or lawn mowed for the summer, or driveway plowed all winter, or games at the local golf course.
There are a bazillion owner-run restaurants — all offering gift certificates. And, if your intended isn’t the fancy eatery sort, what about a half dozen breakfasts at the local breakfast joint. Remember, folks this isn’t about big National chains — this is about supporting your home town Americans with their financial lives on the line to keep their doors open.
How many people couldn’t use an oil change for their car, truck or motorcycle, done at a shop run by the American working guy?
Thinking about a heartfelt gift for mom? Mom would LOVE the services of a local cleaning lady for a day.
My computer could use a tune-up, and I KNOW I can find some young guy who is struggling to get his repair business up and running.
OK, you were looking for something more personal. Local crafts people spin their own wool and knit them into scarves. They make jewelry, and pottery and beautiful wooden boxes.
Plan your holiday outings at local, owner operated restaurants and leave your server a nice tip. And, how about going out to see a play or ballet at your hometown theatre.
Musicians need love too, so find a venue showcasing local bands.
Honestly, people, do you REALLY need to buy another ten thousand Chinese lights for the house? When you buy a five dollar string of light, about fifty cents stays in the community. If you have those kinds of bucks to burn, leave the mailman, trash guy or babysitter a nice BIG tip.
You see, Christmas is no longer about draining American pockets so that China can build another glittering city. Christmas is now about caring about US, encouraging American small businesses to keep plugging away to follow their dreams. And, when we care about other Americans, we care about our communities, and the benefits come back to us in ways we couldn’t imagine.
THIS is the new American Christmas tradition.
Forward this to everyone on your mailing list — post it to discussion groups — throw up a post on Craigslist in the Rants and Raves section in your city — send it to the editor of your local paper and radio stations, and TV news departments. This is a revolution of caring about each other, and isn’t that what Christmas is about?

Jobs

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Walking The Dog

The last few weeks I have not been feeling so great about the job I have been doing at my job.  I am sure that it has something to do with the medicine change and/or lack of.  But it also has to do with the fact that I doubt my abilities to perform my job as well as I think I should be able to.

It doesn’t help when things go wrong, whether they are my fault or not, and I make them be my fault.  It doesn’t help when I beat myself up over the little things and the big things, for that matter, constantly.

Of course, when I start feeling this way, I start second guessing everything I do.  And that just makes it worse.

Do you ever have days like this?  Days when you feel like manual labor would be a better alternative to what you do now.  When dog walking seems like a suitable job for your physical and mental capabilities.  Or maybe some other task that doesn’t require much thinking or skill.  I feel like wiping out the last 26 years of working in an office and just saying to the next potential employer – I am strong, I am a fast learner and I will do whatever menial labor you need done – just pay me so I don’t go broke.  Just don’t put all your faith in me and depend on me to keep your business running. Because at this point in my life, I am not handling that kind of pressure very well.

Halloween 2011

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  So, who had a blast last night Trick or Treating for Halloween?  Jacob did!!  The night started out pretty sad.  All of Jacob’s plans for the night fell through until the last minute.

He was able to hook up with 2 of his friends from school and go trick or treating in one of those neighborhoods that you see on TV.  Lots of houses, lots of kids,  and lots of candy.

 

The kids were in heaven!

I was digging through the box of Halloween decorations and costumes and found this old cape that I made for Chelsea years ago.  I actually made it out of left over material from Megan’s Halloween costume.    She had a purple dress with the cape made out of the black tulle with purple spiders all over it.  I tried to find a picture of it, but it was back in 2005 sometime and I can’t find it.  Bummer 😦

The funny thing is Jacob wore the same mask that Megan wore back in 2003 for his costume.  That mask has seen both kids through many Halloween’s where we came up short on costume ideas.

Well, anyway.  Enough of that nostalgia. Jacob had a great time last night.  And Daisy looks adorable in the costume.