Monthly Archives: July 2012

Creativity

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Do you ever just get this overwhelming feeling and need to create?  I have been going through that lately.  It’s almost to the point of an addiction – I MUST create something.  I MUST vent my creativity into something tangible and useable.

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I hate to admit it, but normally when this feeling comes on, I go through the motions of finding cool projects, even buying the materials to create it and then…..it sits there and never gets finished.  Not so, this time. 

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I saw this amazing dining room table on Pinterest and decided that all the wood I have left over from the porch could be used for several different projects.  Including a new table for the porch.  So, last weekend, Jake and I pulled out some suitable boards, cut them down to size, sanded them,  and I stained them.  This weekend, I re-sanded them – to make them look worn – and assembled them and mounted them on my old table stand.  Put some sealant on it last night and Voila!!  I have a new table for my porch.

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This morning, I found myself drawn to Pinterest again to find another project.  This time, its an indoor kitchen herb garden.  I have leftover wood from the headboard I made a couple of years back, leftover paint from painting the kitchen, Mason jars laying around, and I like herbs.  And I want to get rid of this picture my mother gave me of pasta.  I would rather replace that unpleasant memory with a living growing work of art.

Before I started the table, I finished up two projects on tongue depressors. 

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Mom!! I’m Bored.

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101 Things To Do With Your Dog

 

It’s like I am driven to complete these projects, like my inner voice is screaming to be heard, and I don’t know why it is so desperate right now.  I guess all I can do is to let it create and be heard right now.  Eventually, I guess, I will understand what it is trying to say.

Have you ever been like this?  What did you do?  Did you ever figure out what the message was?  Share with me, please!!  I need help!!

       

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Have you ever had one of those days?

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I am just in a bad mood today.  It’s not really been a great week and I guess it has caught up to me.  I just feel like screaming, crying, sleeping, eating, etc. etc. etc.  All at once.  I went to the store this morning with the intention of buying ice cream.  Then I remembered my new philosophy on life – that I wasn’t going to destroy myself because of other people’s rejection; that I was going to live a better life for the people that want me in their lives.  So instead, I bought some really pretty fabric to make a dress, some pretty flowers, and then I indulged myself a little bit with a donut and some chocolate chips.

I know that I am not a great looker. I am awkward, shy, stiff and according to my son who says his father told him that “I used to be alot of fun” – not much fun anymore.  Yes, I am horrible with relationship stuff.  I was with the father of my children for 14 years AND I haven’t been on a date since I left him.  Except for recently.  I actually went on a few dates with a very nice man.  Apparently, though, he’s “not that into me”. Based on my experience, if someone doesn’t try to kiss you or get close to you or call you about plans when they said they would, they are not that into you.  And in my convoluted way of thinking, it is kind of a relief because I am not good at any of that stuff anyway.  Right now, in my state of mind, it is much easier for me to be alone and pursue the things I want in life than it is to try to live up to someone elses expectations.  Which in my past experience, I never seem able to do.

It’s easier to raise my kids, work my job, take care of my dogs and start my business than it is trying to be in a relationship.  But then, that makes me sad.  I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, even though it would be much less painful than a relationship gone bad.  I am human, after all, and would like to have someone in my life that wanted me and what I have to offer.