Do you ever just feel like throwing your hands in the air and yelling at the world that you give up!! I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t know where I belong. I am guessing about what to do and when to do it and how to do it every step of the way.
Try as I might to write all the lists and check off all the boxes, I still miss the mark somehow. And I still don’t really know if I am getting it right.
So how do you justify what you do? How do you know if you are on the right path? The one that God has set up for you?
I thought that the dog training business was the right path. Fail. I shouldn’t look at it that way, but deep down I do. I tell myself that I learned alot, that now I have more experience in the dog training business, that I was doing a great job…it just wasn’t the right area for the business.
And, I guess, if I look at the opportunity that is being offered to me in Colorado, I am on the right path. The experience and learning that I did here will really be a plus to me in Colorado.
And, that’s another thing. Colorado? I want to be with my family there. I saw a thing last week that said – “Don’t stay where you are tolerated. Go where you are celebrated” Right?! Isn’t that wonderful?! That is how I feel here. That I am tolerated. That “this too shall pass”. I am not exactly wanted here, but I am not in a position to really change that right now.
And, Tennessee has been a place of learning, healing and growing for me. I learned that I am capable of taking care of me and the kids. I have recovered from divorce and rejection. I have learned and grown in to a pretty amazing woman, I hope. Still a little unsure on that one.
I guess I wish that I didn’t still feel like an 18 year young girl who doesn’t know what she wants to do when she grows up. I am kind of tired of starting over and recreating and redoing. I sort of wish I could settle in and enjoy where I am.